yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
