do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
