I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
