she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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