The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
