Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
