someone threw a dead crab at me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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