I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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