Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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