I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
