Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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