dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize