I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
