I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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