Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
