My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
