Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
