How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
