Your tits are I can't wait for
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
