I just saw a hot homeless man
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
