so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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