dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
