If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
