Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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