You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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