I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
