im about as happy as oj after his trial
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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