no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
