things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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