i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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