You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
