just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
