Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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