In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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