Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
