At least make sure they are 18
Why
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
