I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Walk of Shame today included voting.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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