idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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