you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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