I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
