I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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