you would pick up someone in the library
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
