I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
