I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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