I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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