I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
