so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
