My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
