Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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