Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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