i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
