Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
