My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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