Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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