If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
