Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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