We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
