If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
