Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
