you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
