You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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